#but goddamn i'm so overwhelmed

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

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[setaflow]

Man. I am so goddamn tired.

[astramachina]

*holds up a finger* boy do i wish that was me tho ngl

[thingswhatareawesome]

what the everliving fuck? did i do so wrong? i tried difficulty ONE of swarm disaster, says for team lvl 66, i took in 4 80s, and on the second stage kafka pasted my entire party?? (trl phys, qq, dhil, and luocha). i just...that is the literal BEGINNING after the tutorial?? what the fuck? how did i fuck up so *badly*

[decamarks]

i think making vrchat models for people would be VERY VERY fun (you can rig & animate for a LOT of different options which is like, my favorite kind of thing to do ever) but i think the only way to actually upload models or anything is to play the game for a certain amount of time. and unfortunately i can't do that. because i'm scared.

[kuwupikaa]

Love playing through skyward sword but the lanayru mining facility was genuinely exhausting omfg.

[running-in-the-dark]

I have like... two days (max) to come up with a new research question for my bachelor thesis. I HAVE TO officially register/sign up or whatever next week. that's the only way I'll be able to finish it + the oral examination part before my course stops existing at the end of February (my advisor basically assured me that the examination office wouldn't let me register after the end of October).

fuck, I was so motivated last month! I felt ready, I felt good about it, I was sure I'd be able to do it! and then that stupid fucking meeting with my advisor happened and now I feel more defeated and hopeless than ever before. I feel stupid. I feel like I can't possibly do this.

there's just nothing in my brain. it's empty. all knowledge from my entire time at uni (and school) has vanished. the last, oh I don't know, eight fucking years have just been too much. I really don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm able to. I don't know how to start over again.

[sparkly-skies]

@mondscheinprinzessin

LAURA LAURA LAURA

.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Kinda legit thought I was just fucked up for no reason and my parents lost patience having to put up with it, ya know?

[regular-lord-reckoner]

today's definitely one of those days where's it's like 'haha my mental health would benefit tremendously if i could move out!' but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[giantkillerjack]

There is an episode of I think you should leave with a sketch that genuinely makes me laugh so hard I can't get all the way through it at once because I start to overheat from laughing too hard for too long. It is a good show.

[baladric]

one of my friends predicted a long time ago that i would end up married to a rat man, and i’ve been like nah i like pretty and fashionable people but now i definitely have what feels like the most fruitful crush i’ve had in a long time on a quintessential rat man and i’m like. äh, the ordeals of being known.

[music-for-them-asses]

Can the universe please only give me two struggles or less I do not have the spoons to deal with anymore than that 💀

[noxtivagus]

hdkfjalskdf just thinking of. video games or wtvr stories in general n my heart is just so full of them :((

[justsomerandomweirdo]

so i was going to write this in the tags but i've ended up cackling over my own bullshit because this is absolutely fucking ridiculous and there's way too much to just leave in the tags or a reply so sorry for the long post but here we go

first things first: i have only ever published one fanfic on ao3, so if we're only counting published fics then yeah sure 'untitled' i know what that one is it's the dumb jasico thing i wrote in like 2015-2016 which was like five sentences long or smth, the answer is yes

if we're counting the APPARENTLY OVER A THOUSAND unfinished unpublished word documents currently languishing in my 'Fanfics and shit' folder, the answer is a resounding No The Fuck I Would Not

holy shit there's so much going on here

so I've gotten slightly better at titling fics since the days when i would just call things 'bleh', 'oop de doop', 'wtf' or 'wtf au the fuckening pt 3', and now actually call these word documents (which will at best hold my attention for about three days and more commonly less than a single day bc i can never fucking stay focused on anything long enough to finish it) things like 'archivist sasha is good though', 'no eliot then' or 'sighs in self insert'

naturally those are still pretty vague so there's still enough confusion that i have to keep them in specific folders and sort by date modified rather than alphabetically, so i can see what fic came before 'that but more elusive' or 'that but Wit earlier and less assassining' or 'more spy though' or 'more nervous though' or... yeah

but at least i have the folders organised, you say! ahahahahahaha, no, no i do not have the folders organised. these folders are a mess of fics organised vaguely by vibes and fandoms, not helped by the fact that the majority of them are crossover fics for fandoms with very different vibes

for instance: where are the Alex Rider fanfics? yeah that's a very good question let me check. okay so the non-crossover fics are in the surprisingly helpfully named 'alex frickin rider then' folder, which lives in the 'dumb thing' folder inside the 'boop' folder. The 'boop' folder is actually for Foxhole Court fics - or no, it's specifically for crossover fics where Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender joins the Palmetto State Foxes, there was another barely-used folder for non-crossover aftg fics which i think just has in it like an au where Neil was a Raven or some shit, but I was simultaneously hyperfixated on Zuko and aftg for like quite a while so there's uh. Like well over two hundred attempts to figure out how putting Zuko on this terrible fucking sports team would go. Anyways, back on task, the 'dumb thing' folder was like few OC (really SI) type things bc i decided i had made my boy zuko suffer enough (and i should suffer instead), and the alex rider folder got put in there bc vibes. it makes sense in my brain i swear

anyways so where do the alex rider crossover fics go? good question, i think i know most of them but let me check! so the aftg crossovers are in the 'back to exy' folder in the 'alex frickin rider then' folder, there's a single really dumb hp crossover idea in a different subfolder called 'aaargh' about Julia Rothman having a magical child which will never see the light of day so long as jkr remains on her bigoted bullshit, and then we have to leave the boop folder entirely to search out the remainder. oh lmao i forgot what was in that 'sigh' folder hey i just found a foxhole court/mistborn crossover idea that literally only exists bc i thought of the sentence 'Ash fell from the end of Neil's cigarette' like hot damn that references the opening lines of both books if only i had a story to go with it, wait what was i doing oh yeah alex rider fics... okay so i think all of the rest of them are leverage crossovers and uh. so uh. so okay all the leverage fics live in the 'why' folder i think, except for that one crossover i just found in the 'leverage' folder at the bottom of the 'this now' folder which is for pjo fics, and the 'why' folder isn't actually for leverage it's for mistborn, but its where the leverage fics live in another 'leverage' subfolder bc heist vibes, except that subfolder is actually for mistborn/leverage crossovers and there's a 'modern' folder in that which is where the regular leverage stuff goes, except that's only got like two things in bc why have regular leverage when you can have 'eliot worked for scorpia before moreau' leverage, like seriously you know that bit in that warehouse scene where eliot shoots the guy behind him without even looking yeah now think about that bit in the stormbreaker film where yassen shoots that guy behind him without even looking you can't unthink it just accept Scorpia!Eliot into your hearts. so yeah there's an 'alex rider crossover then' folder in that - oh lmao there's another 'exy' folder in here the aftg fics are everywhere, but like jean moreau should clearly definitely be related to damien moreau that's just common sense and if we assume stormbreaker does in fact take place in 2001 then alex is the right age to join the foxes around 2005-2006 either the same year as neil or one before and you can actually do a fun thing with The Inside Job if you say that Wakefields actually used to be called something else before a merger with Greenfields, that evil gm wheat company from Crocodile Tears, so alex could be... (i continue infodumping about this nonexistent three-way-crossover, and a camera slowly zooms out to show me sitting alone at the center of the venn diagram of aftg fans, alex rider fans and leverage fans. a tumbleweed blows past)

anyways i think the best organised folder is probably the 'spoopy' folder which is for magnus archives stuff, im pretty sure no tma stuff has actually found its way outside that, though there are more crossovers inside naturally. there's a 'pjo crossover nonsense now' folder which is reasonably self explanatory, most of the barely-started fics in there assume Jonah Magnus is a son of Athena trying to escape death by creating his own new pantheon, then there's a 'cosmere nonsense bullshit' folder which only has one thing in it bc what if Fear was a Shard like can we let Cognitive Shadow Gerry say to Jon and Martin 'so yeah remember when i said there's no gods of love or hope or indigestion yeah actually turns out i was wrong there's a whole bunch of them actually it's pretty great', and on the subject of letting Gerry have nice things there's yet another fucking exy folder, called, 'tfc folder too big so crossover goes here' because Gerry can would and should be a Fox. lmao just imagine the moriyamas trying to intimidate him, this man has seen supernaturally induced atrocities your petty gang bullshit doesn't even register for him Riko you idiot, and then the foxes are incredibly fucking confused and concerned when Mary Keay shows up and Gerry's clearly more scared of this little old lady than anything to do with Riko and wait what do you mean she's your mother-

anyways pls remind me to go ask a doctor about adhd diagnosis bc i would like to maybe be able to finish writing a single thing in my life like ever

fanfic writers: if you were shown nothing but the title of one of your own fics, do you think you would be able to remember which one it is

[strxnged]

JUNE ^o^ HI HRU???

HEY SOL BESTIEEEE I'm alive.... uni + work + etc. is kinda kicking my ass so it's been a Hell of a september so far. my condolence is always that at least i'm not in high school anymore. plus ive been chipping away at a new tighnari fic 👁️👁️

how is the sol. ☀️ tell me about your life rn 🫶